I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
