ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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