I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
