Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
