Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
