I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
