Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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