This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My feet surprised me
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
