Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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