Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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