he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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