That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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