Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
