I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
