I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
