uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
