is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
