y did u give ur computer a hand job?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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