just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Ketchup is God's man juice
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
