the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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