My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
