There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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