Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
