I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
