Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
