Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
