i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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