but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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