Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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