I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
