I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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