Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
