Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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