areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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