Buhtt sex?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
