can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
