I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
