Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
