I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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