I haven't been this sober since birth.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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