You made me cry and you don't even care
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
