I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
