We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
