Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
