You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
