i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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