Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
