White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
