And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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