the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
