the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
