Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
