You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
